An unexpected ending...


So when Mo's mom decided to let me go, she gave me two weeks notice. The ticking clock left me with mixed emotions but I chose to take the time I had left and savor the moments with Mo. Tomorrow was set to be my last day as Mo's nanny but yesterday at noon I got a curve ball. I received a text from Mo's mom saying that their new nanny ended up being able to work this week and since she was going to be out of town on business next week, she felt it was necessary to get the new nanny acclimated before she left. It was a fairly long and detailed message but the only words I saw during the first run through was, "so today will be your last day." I immediately burst into tears.

Being a nanny is a wonderful but very different job. I have had other jobs, office jobs to be more precise,  and have gotten attached to everyone there too. It is always hard to leave people you have become close with, but nothing compares to leaving a child. The bond created between a nanny and a child (especially full time) is so strong. I still believe this is best for both parties, but logic went straight out the window yesterday. I was supposed to have 2 more days with him! It was hard enough trying to prepare myself for the goodbyes that Thursday had in store for me, but to find out at noon that I only had hours left with my little buddy was just too much to handle.

I got the news while Mo was taking his nap and thank goodness I had some alone time to recover and gain control of myself after a minor meltdown. When I heard Mo wake up and start calling for me, "YaYa!", I went straight into his room. Some days he wakes up in a bit of a daze and likes to lay there a couple of minutes so I usually lean over the side of his crib asking him about his dreams and he, for some reason, always says he dreamt of cows. But today I went into the first of many speeches trying my hardest to explain to a 20 month old that I will not be coming back tomorrow like I always to do play with him. I said things like: I wont be coming back in the morning, I wish I could come back and play with you but I cant for a while, some one else new and fun will come to play with you, I will miss you, ect. ect. But then I was interrupted by Mo's post nap haze mumblings and asked him to repeat, "what MoMo?" I then heard Mo say quietly and surely, "Love you." He knew. He did understand what I was saying to him, in some sense, as much as a toddler could at this point. I scooped him up and told him I loved him too. We slowly twirled around his room. I hummed. He rested his tiny but heavy head on my shoulder. The moment was near perfect. Then, during mid twirl, Mo farted on me. He lifted his head and as we both looked at each other, he cracked the biggest smile and began singing "tooty! tooty!" We both laughed hysterically and I told him again, "boy, am I gonna miss you Mo! The moment had turned into perfection.

The rest of the day is a bit of a blur at this point. But I made sure to spend our last half hour playing our favorite rowdy games upstairs in his after-bath-diaper. They consist of running around, "hiding" from each other, and endless tossing on the bed tickle fights! Then, Mo's mom came upstairs. She was holding the video camera and I thought she was probably trying to document some of our games for Mo to watch, so I continued on with the chasing and tickling. After a few minutes and some "last day" photos, we headed downstairs. I got my last paycheck and it was time for goodbyes. Mo was extremely concerned, as usual, about getting his milk and was in a bit of a fit about it. I thought I was gonna have to leave with out my goodbye hug. But mid tantrum our eyes finally met and he reached out for me. He gave me the tightest squeeze and then rested his forehead against mine. I quietly told him that I loved him, I wouldnt be coming back for a little while, and that I would miss him very very much. As both me and Mo's mom began to tear up a bit, Mo said to me in his jagged but soft toddler talk, "Love you. Missss you. Come back soon." Thats when I lost it a bit. I left Mo's house with an invite to drop by anytime I missed Mo (something I wasnt totally sure would happen as I have never been "let go" before) and the feeling that Mo did, in some way, grasp and understand what was going on.

"Bye, Ill miss you buddy!" I said as I walked out the door. I turn to wave and heard him reply, "Miss you, bud-dee!" I love and will genuinely miss that little guy. He is my bud. He is my pal. He is Mo.


  1. omgah. That post was so precious. I nannied for years and totally understand. I still don't get why she let you go in the first place, it seems so strange, plus do parents not take into consideration that changing out the person who comes in and out of your child's life all the time can get confusing? I dont get it.

  2. That must've been so stressfull - espcially when you clearly get on so well with him...Hope that you're not feeling too Mo less today!

  3. I can imagine it was a hard day for you. I really hope that things will settle down for you soon : ) Good luck!

  4. I've babysat, but never nannied before. That made my eyes well up. I can't imagine getting attached like that and then having to leave.

  5. Meghan15.9.09

    I have to disagree with MKs post. It sounds like you all wanted out. There must have been good reasons and I think most parents want whats best for their kids even if it means having to break it off with a nanny.




[par-uh-shoot] noun, verb, -chut·ed, -chut·ing.
a folding, umbrellalike, fabric device for allowing a person, to float down safely through the air from a great height.

“But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.” — American Beauty