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Your dreams.

9.30.2011







If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.






Words to live by.

She's always moving...

9.27.2011

Its true. I am moving again.

As some of you may remember, last November, I moved out of my apartment with my, then, boyfriend to get some, literal and figurative, space. Boy did it work. I moved into my one bedroom basement apartment with purple sparkle walls and mini oven and found everything I was looking for. Within the first two months I found myself. The me that was so wrapped up in some one else that I couldnt face forward if I tried. And then, immediately after finding myself, I found my strength. The strength I needed to stand up for myself and take what I needed, which turned out to be my independence. After the first of the year I found myself single and living with only my dog.

And I was happy. I was thrilled. I would go to work, come home and do whatever I wanted. I could sit on the couch all night and watch girly shows til I fell asleep, I could edit until 4 in the morning, I could drink wine and pig out on junk food all night and I didnt have anyone to answer to. I loved it. And I did this for about six months. I recovered. Not really from the breakup, but more from what I lost durning the relationship. I picked up the pieces. I nurtured myself. I got mad at myself. Then I forgave myself. I babied myself at times and kicked my own ass at others. I questioned myself and found answers. I vowed never to let myself get to certain places again. I got lonely. I learned to find company within. I felt things, really felt things for the first time in a long time. I woke up. I became alive again. I found my passions. I found myself. 

Then, came June. Im not sure what did it, but in june I began craving people again. I wanted to be surrounded by people and fun and commotion, you know, the complete opposite of what I had been surrounded by for the first half of the year. I reconnected with my group of friends, also known as "friendship club". A group of 15-20, depending on how many are currently in the country, of the most amazing people I know. I was immediately welcomed back like I had been there the week before. Every wednesday is "friendsday" in this world. We all get together and do something awesome. It really might just be an excuse for us to all hang out in the middle of the week but it is not a minor thing. This weekly get together became the next thing the doctor ordered for me.

I became a part of a family this summer. I have known half of these people for a very long time and the other half were fairly new friends. While the group has always been tight, something amazing happened this summer and I will be forever grateful for coming back in just in time to be a part of it. This summer we all became family. We were there for each other in ways that we didnt know were possible. We were mirrors for each other, showing the good with in and the things that needed to be brought to the surface and addressed. We learned, together, to fully appreciate every little thing that we have. I have never had as much fun. I have never been so aware of how amazing life truly it. There is not enough space to describe what we have been through these past months or what we have, period. There are not even words big enough to describe the beauty and growth that we all encountered this summer, together. You will just have to take my word on it.

So, as summer began to close in on me, I once again listened to that voice inside of me when I asked what I wanted next. I dont want to live by myself any more. I still want to be surrounded, I want this summer to live forever. So I have found a house in SE Portland with three friends! And amazingly enough, we are four blocks from a house that just today was filled with four more members of friendship. I am beyond thrilled for this next move.

I am very sad to leave this place though. I do worry. I have found and learned so much in this space. I became whole again here. I fell in love with myself here. There are moments of doubt, moments where I worry about slipping. But I know that I can take care of myself now. And I know that there is a reason for me to be with all of these people now too. Its a good feeling. Listening to yourself, having the courage to follow your own voice and the confidence to know that it will take you to the place you need to be.

To the next move!

10 things I learned this weekend...

1. Going to a movie just for the hot guy that is in it, is totally fine! (Ryan Gosling)
2. Dig a Pony is still my favorite new bar.
3. Some times a good cuddz from a friend is the best night cap.
4. Staying home all day to snuggle with the pup, watch netflix and recover from a fun night is perfectly ok.
5. I hate not knowing how to help my little brother.
6. I can welcome autumn with a smile, but I cannot say goodbye to summer.
7. I fell in love with my ukulele all over again.
8. Im more than ready for Kitten to come back.
9. I refound the after hours dance club in Portland! YES!
10. I am worth everything.

Being single...

Take your risks now...

This life is yours.

here.

9.14.2011


I bought this print last month at Tender Loving Empire downtown. It is an amazing store I an highly recommend it! It is currently hanging in my living room and I absolutely adore it. You can see more of her work and get your own here!

wild + tame

9.12.2011

"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home? I want to be held... I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights - I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me, but I want to be with you." -Jeanette Winterson

The ocean...

9.09.2011

I am off to the ocean for a night and a day. I have been so heavy this week and need a little air. My mind cant stop racing, my heart, fluttering, and my chest, well, my chest has it the worst of all. Its heavy and Im not sure I can carry it around with me like this much longer. I know the ocean will help me. The ocean, the only place that seems big enough to understand me, the only place with the capacity to take me all the way in. I can only hope that while my feet melt into the sand, the waves may undo me. Please let them undo me, have their way with me, sort out my messes, take with them what I dont want and leave me what I need. And then let the sea air, please, stitch me back together. Back to a state where I can carry with me all my emotions, fears and ideas. Everything, that is so heavy, everything, that is me. All I need is a night and a day with the water. To let it take my weight, and let me rest. That is all I need. And then I will pick it all up again, and amble on.

possibility.



“.. dwell in possibility.”  - Emily Dickinson

an ally...

9.07.2011

More than a friend.
More than a lover.
More than even a partner.
In this life, I think I am on the hunt for ally.
An ally in this world seems like it might be the best gift of all.
And since I believe myself to be more of a warrior than just a woman,
I'd say an ally is closer to what I need in this life.
Some one to take this world on with me.

life is good.

9.06.2011


& I cant wait for whatever's gonna happen next...

I have beautiful people.

9.02.2011

 My goodness, the people in my life are absolutely stunning. These are just a few of the amazing friends in my group,but as a whole, this cluster of friends I have are some of the most beautiful people I have seen. There is a standing joke that we have all stepped out of a jcrew magazine and I dont think its that far from the truth. We are constantly humbled by the amount of beauty we are lucky enough to be surrounded with.
jillian, claire, taylor
tim, me, darcy

The best part? They are even more beautiful on the inside! 
Seriously, Im one lucky lady!

par·a·chute

[par-uh-shoot] noun, verb, -chut·ed, -chut·ing.
noun
1.
a folding, umbrellalike, fabric device for allowing a person, to float down safely through the air from a great height.

“But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.” — American Beauty