I am off to the ocean for a night and a day. I have been so heavy this week and need a little air. My mind cant stop racing, my heart, fluttering, and my chest, well, my chest has it the worst of all. Its heavy and Im not sure I can carry it around with me like this much longer. I know the ocean will help me. The ocean, the only place that seems big enough to understand me, the only place with the capacity to take me all the way in. I can only hope that while my feet melt into the sand, the waves may undo me. Please let them undo me, have their way with me, sort out my messes, take with them what I dont want and leave me what I need. And then let the sea air, please, stitch me back together. Back to a state where I can carry with me all my emotions, fears and ideas. Everything, that is so heavy, everything, that is me. All I need is a night and a day with the water. To let it take my weight, and let me rest. That is all I need. And then I will pick it all up again, and amble on.
“But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.” — American Beauty