"You're Fired!" "Thank You!"

Last Thursday I was "let go" from my job as Mo's nanny that I have had since January. My boss simply stated that she no longer felt it was a good match and could not offer me any further explanations than that, even after I asked her twice. What? You are "letting go" the person that has watched your child for 10 hours a day, 4 days a week for 9 months because you no longer "feel it is a good fit", and you cant give any insight as to why? That is just crazy to me. Especially, since I also feel that it is not a good match, however, I have felt this way from the start and could give you a specific list of reasons and examples as to why. I thought about quitting a million times but always chickened out and then gave myself some fleeting motivation by lying and saying it was a challenge I had to overcome. Blah blah blah.

I may seem a little heated about the situation but, at the time, I took the news very well. I was as if my boss had finally MADE the decision I was trying so desperately to make. It is the kick in the pants that I need to finally put this PLAN in to order. Let me explain, for about three months I have had this plan that I have been waiting (procrastinating) to put into action. My plan was to find another nanny job that is a better match and working less days than I work now. Then I would try my hardest to talk some one in to giving me a bartending job a few nights a week to supplement my income. This would leave me (in theory) to have more days to work on my photography and getting myself and my portfolio "out there". That is the biggest thing for me right now! I always thought about making this happen around September however I have not made any sort of stride in that direction. This cool comfort zone seems to be cemented to my ankles I swear. And now, here I am, handed this new direction, put in place by some one else, giving me two weeks of notice, leaving me, on SEPTEMBER 3rd, free to put my plan in to gear!

So this beautiful little flame under my ass comes in the ironic translation of my boss's bad news last week...You're Fired! I ended the conversation with some sort of unconvincing bummer, while, im sure, my face was screaming THANK YOU!!! Thank you Mo's mom for forcing me to get my shit together.

Im so much talk its ridiculous. Its really disappointing at times. I have all of these huge dreams and goals and so much I want to do, but i rarely do anything about it. I so often get stuck in my everyday, strictly maintaining. This is the thing I fear the most, settling. I cant stand the idea of just settling for what ever works or gets me by at the time. It is finally time to, ew, grow up. Its scary and I know it is going to take everything that I have every day to not slip back into my "comfort zone." But it is time.

So now, here I am, again, on the job hunt. Still looking to nanny, because Im good at it, it is the job I know I can get, and I wont have to take a drop in pay. I am also keeping an eye out for a bar that would like to take a chance on a girl with absolutely no cocktail experience but an abundance of charm just waiting to be forced upon the nearest drunk kid needing another vodka redbull! And finally, I am going to throw myself into photography. Back to never leaving my camera home and always looking for new things to shoot! I will network like its going out of style. Its a new page, that I didnt even need to turn.