Birthday week started on a tuesday night. The boyfriend brought home wine, chocolate cake and beautiful roses. Then at midnight I was surprised with the most beautiful vintage typewriter. Turquoise even! I was so surprised and so happy! We spent the night just hanging and watching tv shows. It was wonderful.

Then, wednesday, my actual birthday, I had a wonderful day at work with the kiddos, tons of running around and playing. Then I had a bday bbq at Laurelhurst park with a great group of friends. Then off to a bar for a couple more beers.

And lastly, I had a big bbq party at my parents house in Eugene! It was so fun. So many great friends came! I had a wonderful time! Then we went out to my favorite bar and danced the night away! I only took a few photos, but here they are.

Dex was pooped after all the fun. And I must say, so was I.

A wonderful birthday week!

If you...

This stopped me in my tracks today.

i hope it will brighten your perspective.

As it did mine.

Have a wonderful weekend.

birthday film // 35mm

a handfull of my many wonderful birthday guests

on film

//

35mm

adum. timtam (&mydadinbackground). lanabear. kitten. taywer. pill. my chloe girl.

upsidedown

That familar feeling is back. The one that sneaks in when things settle down and you have time to think and realize and consider facing. Its been a rough day, no, week, oh, hell lets be honest and just say it, month. I feel like I am walking around, finishing each motion thoroughly, but with out even realizing it. Like my body is floating right side up, with everything in its place, but my mind is upside down.


Im transitioning in so many ways its hard to list them all, however, the biggest and most obvious being my vacation. I was privileged enough to have 6 weeks off this summer. It was a wonderful time. I got to do whatever I wanted for the first time ever really. I have been one of those kids that has been working since highschool. Part-time for a bit, then full time, even through school. Its who I am, its how my life works, I must do it if I want to get by. I rarely complain, though there are those moments, usually during a finals week when I didnt sleep, and my day involves a morning class, then 8 to 10 hours of work, an exam, and then studying for tomorrows exam and probably no shower, where I am on the floor, throwing a toddler like tantrum yelling things like, why me? Why cant things be a little easier for me? But in reality, on a "normal" day, I appreciate it. I know I am learning valuable lessons, and how life works and all that crap. I really would rather have it this way, than to have it all "handed" to me. But this lifestyle (and the nature of my job) hindered me from ever taking large amounts of time off or vacations. SOOO, it was nice, to have a handful of weeks to be paid to do nothing if I choose (which I chose a lot.) BUT, I also spent a lot of time getting things together for my business. I did tons of photoshoots, spent lots of time trying to define a style for myself, worked with my designer to get my website up, etc. I got a taste of what it will be like to set my own schedule and I loved it. I know that this new direction is the one for me and I am too excited to contain it. However, my vacation is over and while I am happy to be back at work with my lovely little kiddos, its been a rough transition. I am realizing that I am trying to build a business from the ground up while working a full time job and trying to keep a social and love life afloat. Again, I appreciate the struggle I know I will undoubtedly be going through to make this happen, because I know it will make me stronger and make the success of it all that much better and blah blah blah, but, I guess you could say I am having another one of those floor moments right now. One of those toddler like tantrums, yelling why me? Though it is much more quiet and being played out inside my head, not actually on the floor of my bedroom.


I am also at this point, where I have a lot of things I need to finally face. Most of them involving money, ugh. I always feel that my life rolls in waves. Waves of calm and then upheaval. But I think now, as I am getting older I am realizing that I am responsible for that. Im an avoider. The kind of person that will put things off and brush them under the rug while they are little. Its how I cope. I dont like to dwell, I like to stay positive and thats how I do it. "Its not a HUGE deal, so lets worry about it tomorrow." But then, what Im realizing happens, is that all my little problems dont get the attention the deserve, or any attention at all. Then my little baby problems grow, and turn into toddlers, then kids, and then, no matter the birthdate of these issues, they all seem to hit puberty at around the same time. And thats when I loose it. Instead of handling one small issue at a time, I choose, like an effing idoit, to wait, enjoy the moment, and let my problems mature into full blown crises. Then the pressure of MULTIPLE issues is too much to handle all at once. What the hell is wrong with me? But, still, here I go, always looking at the silver lining, extracting the positive in every situation, finding out with this realization, that I am also growing. I can learn from this and face. Face life really. But, ok, enough with the dramatics.


I actually just sat for a second, reflecting on everything I am letting out right now and wondered what sprung this change, this mature realization and this attempt at accountability with sharing it all. Then I remembered, I had a birthday last week. I turned 24 but lied the whole time and said I was turning 21, even to people that knew me, even my parents, even though they all knew I was lying. I tried to lie to hard hoping it would turn into truth. It didnt. I am now 24 years old, and I guess this is what comes along with it.

OH, HELLO MID-TWENTIES! 

Id say its nice to meet you, but, if you havent noticed, Im trying out that whole HONESTY thing today.

                

Our journey...

Today... IS MY BIRTHDAY!

I have already had such an amazing birthday. 

At midnight last night, the boyfriend surpirsed me with the most wonderful gift!

I am having a little get together tonight and I cant wait!

I am so lucky to have the people that I have in my life!

What a great day to be reminded of that!

My birthday!

August 18th

In 2 days, it will be my birthday. 

It snuck up on me out of no where this year. 

Im having a party this weekend at my parents house. 

But as for THE day, no plans yet.

I kinda like it this way.

Ill let you know what happens!!!

Oh, hi...

Puppy!

This was taken a month ago! 

He is already so much bigger!

Be who you are...

"Be who you are and say what you feel,

because those who mind dont matter,

and those who matter dont mind."

-Dr. Suess

Me & my dawgs.

I love this picture. 

My first love Kilo and my little baby pup Dex.

My Boys.

love em.

Today...

Today was much much better than yesterday.

A lazy morning.

An awesome work out. 

Two parks with the bf, the pupa blanket and some books.

And off to a party tonight at a hip design firm here in town. 

Lovin it.

How was your day?

rough day // rip brandy

“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life. “ - (Krishnamurti, Indian Philosopher)

Today was a pretty rough day. It started out well enough but slowly got harder. I was in one of those funks. I got home around noon and was to be alone with the pup for the rest of the day and most of the night. I just wasnt feeling up to that. I love my alone time, really love it, but today I wanted to be with someone else. I made plans to go to yoga and then take Dex to the park. But later in the afternoon I got a call from my brother and he was crying so hard he could barely speak. He told me they had to put our family dog down. Brandy was one of our dogs growing up and we had her for 13 years. Our other dog past a year and a half ago so I know she is up in doggie heaven with Katie. Its just so hard. She was my brothers best friend and a part of our family. Ive been crying off and on all night just remember happy times. I just wish I could be home with my family tonight. I cant imagine going home in two weeks for my birthday and not having her be there wagging her tail at the door with one of her squeaky toys in her mouth waiting to say hi. 

I love you Brandy girl. 

And I'll miss you forever.

Alone.

Ive seen this floating around blogland and twitterville the past few days and I simply adore it. 

Such beautiful words written and shared so uniquely. 

Love. I love love love this.

Everything about it.

Please enjoy. 

If you will, alone.

What should I be...

"What should I be, but just what I am?"

-Edna St Vincent Millay

So I've got a thing for...

HAMMOCKS!

Its pretty major.

300 FOLLOWERS!!!

I now have 300 followers and I am through the roof excited!!!

You all dont know what it means to me that you keep coming back.

It keeps me writing. 

Thankssssss.

Dream home.

Dream. 

If this place were mine, Id never leave.

Id sit and dream and meditate and read all day.

Every day.