Im home in Eugene with my family and its feels great. Im actually NESTLED next to the Christmas tree. You could stick me on a fucking holiday card if I were watching something other than Sons of Anarchy. Tonight we will have our usual group over and tomorrow will be just my family. I am just so happy to be home and to have my brother here this year. Im looking forward to the last days of the year and then for a fresh start. 

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Why live when you can rule?

The other night I went to see The Kings of Summer with Grady and Dylan. I was excited, the preview looked good and it seemed like one of those movies that would leave you feeling inspired, which is the best kind right? We saw it at Laurelhurst Theatre right around the corner from my house. And it was so much better than I expected.

First of all, it was hilarious. It was even funnier than the trailer let on. Consistently had me laughing. It was smart and witty and involved. The main character was mildly reminiscent of a young Joseph Gordon Levitt and I thought the entire cast was great. And in the end I was definitely feeling inspired. I highly recommend it.

It doesn't interest me...

>>

The Invitation - by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,”Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

And I'm off...

--->

Im off to Eugene as soon as I gain the courage to attack the holiday weekend traffic. Im shooting a wedding tomorrow then spending some quality time with my family and a few friends. Im also bringing the laptop along as I have heaps and heaps of work to get through! It should be a lovely weekend!

What are you up to this weekend?

"OCD" a poem

This poem performed by Neil Hilborn shook me up from inside out. It is heartbreaking, honest and beautiful. It reminded me just how much I love and appreciate poetry. And Neil is obviously a force. I loved it with everything I have. Please take a moment to enjoy.

perspective.

>>

Today...
I found out that the mechanic wants 300 dollars to fix a little hose that is extremely hard to get to.
My back is on fire from a "maintenance" chiropractic adjustment on monday and it was just fine before.
I am so tired for the 8th day in a row that it is hard to simply function.
I have a long todo list that just seems to grow and grow.

Today...
I am grateful that these are my only problems.
I am comforted knowing that things ALWAYS work out for me.
I am hopeful that one more good night of sleep will do the trick.
I know I am exactly where I need to be.

At the height of my stress and feeling overwhelmed about, seemingly, everything, I took a moment to stop. I became overwhelmed with a new feeling, a feeling of gratefulness. Honestly, things are not that bad. I have problems, yes. There are lots of things I have to just buck up and deal with. But in the big beautiful picture, things for me are great. I have everything I truly need and the support, resourcefulness and determination to survive if that ever changed. I am happy. And now I can add that I am proud. Proud of not getting so wrapped up in my problems to miss whats really going on. Im getting tossed the little obstacles and lessons I am meant to deal with today.

Count every beautiful thing...

27.

(me, last week in NYC)

Yesterday I turned 27. Seriously, holy fuck. Where does the time go? First of all, how can 27 sound soooo much older than 26? Really, somebody tell me. Secondly, how could I have spent the whole last year accidentally saying and thinking the number 27 when asked my age, and yet, now that its true, I feel utterly shocked at its legitimacy. So far, 27 is confusing as hell and quite the mind fuck. Not a fan.

Enough about 27, let us go back and discuss 26 some more. Please excuse me while I pat myself on the back for surviving my 26th year. Honestly, on paper, this past year may not have seemed very "stand out" but it was quite the doozy. I think the reason may be that a lot of it was spent in my own head. As a chronic extrovert, I dont think I have ever spent as much time acting like an introvert as I had over the past year. I looooved my alone time this year! There were lots of overwhelming experiences, feelings and thoughts and that is usually the only time I tend to shut into myself. Looking back I was pretty overwhelmed. 

But it wasnt all bad. Sometimes I just need to step away from people and things to fully be alone and settle down. Thats when my mind can calm enough to decipher and work through the big stuff. I always feel better after a good hibernation, I just think i needed a few more than average this year. This year was full of growing for me. Dealing with quiet challenges that sometimes only I knew was going on. I learned a lot about myself, and what I want and need out of life. I guess thats all anyone can ask for. 

I also had a lot of adventures and fun. So much in fact that I had a hard time documenting it all here. (something I'd like to get back on track with) I guess actually looking back now, I feel really good about last year. I think it was a time of tiny quiet leaps from stone to stepping stone. I feel closer to getting the things I have wanted out of life for so long. I feel a few fiery fears slowly fizzling out. I feel confident and ready. 

A few things I'd like to work on as I head into year 27...

Being better with my time. Efficiency has never been a strong suit for me. 

Allowing more time and energy for creative endeavors.

Keeping my internal confidence up.

Better communication with my main people.

DOING the big things I want to do. Fucking MAKE MOVES!

Being on top of all that grown up shit. 

Taking care of my health. (For my 100 year old self)

Working my momentum. 

Enjoying the moment. 

Well. There it is. A brief reflection. 

Bring it on 27.

backwards.

>>

If I read our story backwards, 
it's about how I un-broke your heart, 
and then we were happy until one day, 
you forgot about me completely.

Journey.

>>

Well, apparently I havent blogged since mid june and here I am sitting at the edge where July meets August finally taking a moment to write. I had every intention of blogging about all 30 days of my awesome, but obviously I didnt. I kept getting awesome though, I just didnt blog about it (or even instagram every time either.) Oh well.

I have done so much lately. I shot a wedding for two of my best friends last month. I went to the pool everyday for 2 weeks. I have been eating clean, with the exception of last week (gotta get back on that!) Its been a great summer so far. But it will be nothing compared to August. I am beyond thrilled with August.

It begins with some days off! Woohoo! Then I leave for New York on the 5th! I have never been before and I am so excited to see as much as I can. I get to visit two dear friends while I am there and I have some fun plans locked down so far. From NY I go down to Baltimore to shoot my first ever real travel wedding! So thrilled about this one! It is going to be beautiful!

Once Im back from NYC and Baltimore it will be my birthday! Not sure what we are doing yet, but Im sure it will be a blast. After my birthday is my little brothers graduation from his program and he gets to come HOME! I cannot wait for this one! You have no idea! Then there are a few more things in the works then its back to my fall schedule.

BUT.... Last night Grady and I bought our plane tickets to Central America!!! In october we will be going to Nicaragua and Costa Rica! I am so so excited. I havent been out of the country (aside from Canada) and I am brimming with anticipation!

There it is, a little layout of whats coming up. Two big trips for me, the person that has always felt like a "traveler" but has yet to actually travel. I feel overwhelmed with possibilities at this point. It has taken me so long to get here, but in the end, I think it will be worth it. Thats just the way my story goes I guess.

Awesome Day Two: Pump it Up!

So there is this class... Ive had a bit of a workout crush on it for a while now. But its been way to intimidating for me to just walst upto and introduce myself. It happens right before one of my regular classes and every time I walk in I see a huge group of people sweating and smiling and lugging barbells and weights back to the corner. They all look so happy and healthy and freshly asskicked. Its a beautiful sight. 

Rewind: I have only been going to the gym for a couple months now and tend to stick to cardio type workouts and a couple core classes, etc. I have never really lifted weights, ever! Im more of the tiny limber lets do YOGA variety! But oh how Ive lusted over those heavy stop sign shaped hunks of magic that everyone is lifting and swinging about. Its like a club that Im just not strong enough to get into, but you cant get stronger with out being in it! Sick joke!

So yesterday, day two, I decided to just GO FOR IT!!! I picked up a number at the front desk and went to the elliptical and did 3 and a half miles before heading over for my asskicking. It was wonderful! It was hard, yes, but it felt great. I only had to moderate a few things, granted I went a little light on the weights as a first timer, but I definitely held my own. I felt so dang AWESOME afterwards! Mission BODYPUMP was a success! 

Im loving my awesomeness right now. Im really trying to get out of my comfort zone with my awesome adventures this time around. Yesterday was just that! I cant wait for the next one!!!

How is your AWESOME going?

Check out all the ladies getting AWESOME here!

Awesome Day One: A Dyl-icious Motorcyle Ride!

Day one of awesome was a little slow starting. But after work I was off to an awesome BBQ. Good friends, great food and apparently there was some awesome game on:) I had an awesome time hanging out with old friends and getting to know new ones. Like Kate! There is nothing more awesome that just clicking with someone that is genuinely awesome. 

Just when I thought the night couldnt get more awesome, Dylan took me for a ride on his motorcycle. It was only my second time on one ever! The first was also with Dyl in Aspen on Independence Pass! So awesome! Last nights ride was super awesome! So awesome that my teeth hurt from getting so cold since I was smiling so big! AWESOME! 

Want to get awesome with me? Join in!

Or follow just along 30daysofawesome.com

30 Days of Awesome!

Its that time again! Time to get awesome! 

Whats this all about you ask? Well here it is straight from the official website 30daysofawesome.com 

30 days of awesome was started way back in 2009, when two girls, Jess and LB, set off on a summer adventure to show up any adventure before them: They planned to do awesome things every day for a whole month. From mini golf to mega drunk, they used their awesomeness to fight a war against heat and work and boredom. They won.

The following year, they invited two more girls to join their league, Nicole and Tawnya, who were up to the challenge and performed valiantly. Each girl with her own style and strength, they took on the challenge bravely and came our winners of awesome.

Last year four more were added to the mix: Amanda, Heather, and Angeli, and Kait. And thus, the Awesome Crew was created.

The rules of 30 Days are simple enough to understand, but are quite an undertaking to follow. Each participant must not only do something totally AWESOME, but it must be different every day and must be blogged about. It’s not a contest, but a chance to look at life in a positive, fun, and awesome way.

We will face hardships and hangovers, lack motivation and inspiration. But in the end it will all pay off, because even though we may run our credit cards dry, being awesome is priceless.

So follow us girls on this blog and get inspired. Because really, you can be awesome this too!

A few years ago I did my first 30 days of awesome. It was so awesome! You can look back on it here! Follow along for all my upcoming awesomeness! Or join in!

Who wants to get awesome with me!?!?!

boys.

>

This is the story of the boys who loved youWho love you now and loved you thenAnd some were sweet and some were cold and snuffed youAnd some just laid around in bedAnd some, they crumbled you straight to your kneesDid it cruel, did it tenderly
Some, they crawled their way into your heartTo rend your ventricles apartThis is the story of the boys who loved you

-The Decemberists

Roadtrip.

>

Im back. Back from a pretty amazing weekend. 

It started as a alternate adventure to Sasquatch. 

Yes, I was very sad to miss out on Sasquatch this year but I missed out on tickets and so did most of my friends. We decided to make the best of a sad situation and take our own mini adventure. 

Big Sur it was!!!

Four friends and I loaded up my new (new to me) xterra and took her on her first road trip!

We got back last night and the trip was nothing I had expected and a million times more. 

I came home exhilarated and reconstructed with out even knowing I needed the mending. 

This trip was an unexpected gift and I feel so grateful, inspired and just plain GOOD. 

I cant wait to share my photos and fun with you all. 

What did you do this memeorial day weekend?

never stop.

>

so far.

> >

This has been me for weeks now.

And I'm not even sorry.

The Goodwin Project

Immediate goosebumps, 

that heavy hollow almost too full feeling in my chest, 

and tears swelling in my eyes.

 I was on the website for five minutes, 
devouring, getting very excited, 
then I started the teaser, and I lost it. 

I am very excited to follow this adventure. 

I am yet again, entirely inspired. 

Please take a moment to watch this teaser and explore their site. 

The Goodwin Project

listen hard.

>

Where have i been?

I have been busy, yet again, living life to the fullest. Sometimes there's no time to write about it. There has been a lot of dreaming, creating and adventuring happening over here. I cant wait to get back to sharing it all with you guys.