gloom

I felt awful today. Physically. Emotionally.  I couldnt figure out what it was. Everything I set out to do left me feeling even more frustrated. So I let it in. I accepted the gloom of this day and went with it. I put on extra necklaces and went to the bookstore. My happy place. I walked it over a handful of times. Haunting row after row, stopping every so often reading paragraphs or sometimes pages. Before I knew it I had an armful of books that had intrigued me. The coffee shop was full so I found a corner. A wonderful corner in one of my favorite sections. I read bits of books, discarding the ones I didnt like and piling the ones I wanted. I picked up the last one and the next thing I knew I had read 60 pages and was feeling lighter and a little hungry. I allowed myself to buy three books then took myself to dinner. As I ate and read at my favorite sushi spot I looked around and noticed that the majority of people were on dates (romantic or friendly) there were lots of couples. I was the only one alone tonight. And as I realized this I thought how wonderful it felt to be ok with that. I was more than ok, I was mildly liberated. I had been having an absolutely terrible day that felt unshakable. But it wasnt. I nursed myself, not completely, but much closer to happy. I didnt need to call anyone, I didnt need to cry, I just spent time with myself doing little things that make me happy and I managed to save myself just a little bit. It is small victories like this that make me so grateful to be the person that I am. I think we all need the gloomy days once and a while to allow us to feel the beautiful enormity of the sunny ones.