If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.
Your dreams.
9.27.2011
As some of you may remember, last November, I moved out of my apartment with my, then, boyfriend to get some, literal and figurative, space. Boy did it work. I moved into my one bedroom basement apartment with purple sparkle walls and mini oven and found everything I was looking for. Within the first two months I found myself. The me that was so wrapped up in some one else that I couldnt face forward if I tried. And then, immediately after finding myself, I found my strength. The strength I needed to stand up for myself and take what I needed, which turned out to be my independence. After the first of the year I found myself single and living with only my dog.
And I was happy. I was thrilled. I would go to work, come home and do whatever I wanted. I could sit on the couch all night and watch girly shows til I fell asleep, I could edit until 4 in the morning, I could drink wine and pig out on junk food all night and I didnt have anyone to answer to. I loved it. And I did this for about six months. I recovered. Not really from the breakup, but more from what I lost durning the relationship. I picked up the pieces. I nurtured myself. I got mad at myself. Then I forgave myself. I babied myself at times and kicked my own ass at others. I questioned myself and found answers. I vowed never to let myself get to certain places again. I got lonely. I learned to find company within. I felt things, really felt things for the first time in a long time. I woke up. I became alive again. I found my passions. I found myself.
Then, came June. Im not sure what did it, but in june I began craving people again. I wanted to be surrounded by people and fun and commotion, you know, the complete opposite of what I had been surrounded by for the first half of the year. I reconnected with my group of friends, also known as "friendship club". A group of 15-20, depending on how many are currently in the country, of the most amazing people I know. I was immediately welcomed back like I had been there the week before. Every wednesday is "friendsday" in this world. We all get together and do something awesome. It really might just be an excuse for us to all hang out in the middle of the week but it is not a minor thing. This weekly get together became the next thing the doctor ordered for me.
I became a part of a family this summer. I have known half of these people for a very long time and the other half were fairly new friends. While the group has always been tight, something amazing happened this summer and I will be forever grateful for coming back in just in time to be a part of it. This summer we all became family. We were there for each other in ways that we didnt know were possible. We were mirrors for each other, showing the good with in and the things that needed to be brought to the surface and addressed. We learned, together, to fully appreciate every little thing that we have. I have never had as much fun. I have never been so aware of how amazing life truly it. There is not enough space to describe what we have been through these past months or what we have, period. There are not even words big enough to describe the beauty and growth that we all encountered this summer, together. You will just have to take my word on it.
So, as summer began to close in on me, I once again listened to that voice inside of me when I asked what I wanted next. I dont want to live by myself any more. I still want to be surrounded, I want this summer to live forever. So I have found a house in SE Portland with three friends! And amazingly enough, we are four blocks from a house that just today was filled with four more members of friendship. I am beyond thrilled for this next move.
I am very sad to leave this place though. I do worry. I have found and learned so much in this space. I became whole again here. I fell in love with myself here. There are moments of doubt, moments where I worry about slipping. But I know that I can take care of myself now. And I know that there is a reason for me to be with all of these people now too. Its a good feeling. Listening to yourself, having the courage to follow your own voice and the confidence to know that it will take you to the place you need to be.
To the next move!
10 things I learned this weekend...
2. Dig a Pony is still my favorite new bar.
3. Some times a good cuddz from a friend is the best night cap.
4. Staying home all day to snuggle with the pup, watch netflix and recover from a fun night is perfectly ok.
5. I hate not knowing how to help my little brother.
6. I can welcome autumn with a smile, but I cannot say goodbye to summer.
7. I fell in love with my ukulele all over again.
8. Im more than ready for Kitten to come back.
9. I refound the after hours dance club in Portland! YES!
10. I am worth everything.
9.14.2011
I bought this print last month at Tender Loving Empire downtown. It is an amazing store I an highly recommend it! It is currently hanging in my living room and I absolutely adore it. You can see more of her work and get your own here!
9.12.2011
9.09.2011
9.07.2011
More than a lover.
More than even a partner.
In this life, I think I am on the hunt for ally.
An ally in this world seems like it might be the best gift of all.
And since I believe myself to be more of a warrior than just a woman,
I'd say an ally is closer to what I need in this life.
Some one to take this world on with me.
9.02.2011
My goodness, the people in my life are absolutely stunning. These are just a few of the amazing friends in my group,but as a whole, this cluster of friends I have are some of the most beautiful people I have seen. There is a standing joke that we have all stepped out of a jcrew magazine and I dont think its that far from the truth. We are constantly humbled by the amount of beauty we are lucky enough to be surrounded with.
jillian, claire, taylor
tim, me, darcy
The best part? They are even more beautiful on the inside!
Seriously, Im one lucky lady!
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