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Oh brother. (continued)

2.13.2011



My house is empty. He's gone. My brother left today. Not defeated just tripped up. Unfortunately my landlord doesn't want him here, I won't get into all of that, but I couldn't be more heartbroken. I hadn't realized how far away from each other we had gotten. We really don't know each other, not deep down, not as much as I have always wanted to. But these last two weeks have been great. He finally let me in, a little, and we got to hang out, really hang out. We got to just be with each other and I can't believe how long it has been since we have really done that. I am so grateful for the time we did get though. I just wish I could have done more for him, given him longer to figure it all out. I wanted more time with him. I hope so badly that he finds a direction and his purpose. He is my brother, my constant, and I need him to be ok. Not just for him, but for me. Today, I am just devastated that the chance for him to find his way along side me was taken away and there is nothing I can do about it. While I am sad, and lonely I am keeping faith that everything happens for a reason and he will be fine. But for tonight I am laying on my couch across from the love-seat he would be occupying if he were still here, and i am being sad. I am looking at my clean home and missing the clutter, and the corner where his stuff had landed that is now only collecting dust now and letting it all set it. Tonight I will be sad and tomorrow i will be ok. Or at least I will try.

3 comments:

  1. Oh poor girl! Everything will be fine with your brother and I hope you can keep doing things together and getting to know each other better and better. xo

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  2. Lacey, what an amazing post. when I read it I felt as though I was looking at my past. I have felt that very same way. I know our brothers are no where near the same but I know as a sister you want to help and be there for when they are down hoping they will let you in to give them a helping hand. I am thankful for the time you have spent with your brother.I try to remember some time is better than no time and ever little moment counts Im sure you made a difference! :) . I learned the hard way and I learned to gain appreciation for the time I did share because the more I was to dwell on what I wished would have happened it literally ate me up inside. You are a wonderful soul. & remember that :) ...

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  3. This breaks my heart. and I remember the other post. But I'm sure he knows that you did all that you could do. You were there for him in a time of complete need and you gave that to him. You saved his life to a certain extent and perhaps you're too modest to see yourself as a hero, but even though the time was short, that could have been just the right amount of push he needed to find his purpose.

    Wake up with a smile tomorrow okay?

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Thoughts?

par·a·chute

[par-uh-shoot] noun, verb, -chut·ed, -chut·ing.
noun
1.
a folding, umbrellalike, fabric device for allowing a person, to float down safely through the air from a great height.

“But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.” — American Beauty