Ok. Here goes. I'm just gonna get this out there. Rip the bandaid, ya know?

As many of you have guessed, by either my recent inspirations or the lack of his title lately, the boyfriend and I have broken up. After a year and a half, we decided that where we were heading and the way we were getting there was just not the best for either of us. For whatever reasons my best friend and I started growing apart and were no longer acting as the great allies that we once were for each other. While we both wish it could have gone the other way I know that deep down we both agree that this is the best thing for us at this point in our lives.

My heart is heavy. I'm losing a best friend. The person i have turned to first every day for the last year and a half. The person that has taken better care of me than anyone else. The person that could make me laugh at the first sign of sadness. The person that took my breathe away and made me feel more loved than I have ever felt before. The person that has been by my side, constantly, consistenly. That's the hardest part. The selfish part. I'm sad for everything I am losing.

My head is going crazy. Mostly for everything I'm giving up. I'm giving up a future of knowing that someone would ALWAYS be there for me. I'm giving up the person I know in my heart will be the most amazing and selfless life partner and father. I'm giving up my biggest supporter. There have been moments I feel insane for willingly giving up this person. He is truly amazing.

Lastly, and luckily, my head and my heart are hopeful. I am hopeful that while I am losing and giving up all of these things, that I am also gaining many things. I am gaining some much needed independence. I am gaining strength through all of the heartache and pain and standing up for what I need. I am gaining peace, where anxiety and tension had temporarily moved in during those last months. But most of my hope still lies with him. I hope he will be ok. I hope he is gaining everything I am and more. I hope he heals and finds a better and more deserving counterpart. I hope he gets everything he wants and needs. And still, I hope he will be my friend again. Someday.

My life these days...

Sorry Ive been MIA these days.
Life has been pretty crazy lately. Good crazy for the most part.
Tomorrow is the big moving day! I am very very excited. Pretty stressed. And a little sad. While I love the new loft, love that I will be living with the boyfriend, love the new neighborhood and so many other things about the new place, I am very sad to leave my downtown apartment. I adore this apartment. It is the first place I lived after moving here to Portland. I love living in the middle of all the action. I love my balcony overlooking all the crazies this city is home to. I am going to miss my roommate (my good friend from middle school) and having my neighbor/friend Adumb always "Kramering" in all the time. Its a good thing though. A good move. Literally.

The real time-suck these days though...DEX. My wonderful little pup. I am so in love with him already its insane. I am consumed with fear that I am not taking all the right steps or teaching him the right things in the right ways. I am on my second book by the wonderful Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan.  Dexter is so great, he really is a good dog, so sweet and loving. But trust me he can be a baby devil. I am stressed to the max trying to give him everything he needs, while teaching him the rules of two households, and caring for him along side a toddler and a 4 year old all week. I know it will all pay off though. And snuggling with him every morning is worth every bit of trouble. Just look at that face!

My love.

Today...

Today I fell very ill in the blink of an eye while at work. Luckily, the boyfriend was there to help me out. Yes, my bosses not only allow, but encourage my boyfriend to come over while Im working. I honestly couldnt have gotten by with out him there. He continued to take care of me the rest of the day, hydrating me, laying with me, and attempting to fulfill incoherent requests spilling from my lips. I was utterly miserable and couldnt have made it through the day with out him. I am one lucky girl. And now that I am feeling a little better, I am finally going to eat and then we are going to snuggle up and watch a movie.
Happy :)

us.

Holga film

Us. 

Washington Park.

San Francisco.

Road Trip!

Yay! We are going on a road trip!

My wonderful job has allowed me the chance to finally DO something with my time off.

So spring break this year means...me, the boyfriend and the California coast line.

Since we dont have heaps of time or loads of money we chose a road trip.

And we both have lots of friends and family and memories down there, so its perfect.

We have a date tonight to finalize our plans.

I cant wait!

Happy Birthday Boyfriend!

Happy Birthday to my boyfriend, best friend and partner in crime.

I love you with all of my heart and truly do not know where I would be if you were not born today, 24 years ago.

You make my life a million times more fun.

Happy Birthday Boyfriend!

Did I forget about love!?!

Is it possible to forget that you are in love? Im not sure. But, for the last few weeks, I have been feeling like that is the only possible explanation for all of this. Its like, for a few moments, I had my eyes closed. Like I didnt see him or something. Because now, every time I look at him, I melt. My breath escapes me and I lose it just a little bit. I have always known that I am one of the luckiest girls in the world, to have fallen in love with my best friend. I have had little butterflies this whole time. But what is it, now, that completely overwhelms me every time I hear his voice or see his smile. Every kiss is like the first, again. It all feels so much more intense. Everyday I wake up in awe that this is my life. I am so lucky. I am so in love.

Yes...

Yes. I have the boyfriend that gets out of bed at midnight, drives to two different stores, and brings you back medicine because you have a migraine and he cannot handle watching you be in pain.

My last night.

& I couldnt be luckier.

My New Years Eve...

The boyfriend and I had our New Years Eve all planned out...


We woke up early and drove to the mountain! SNOWBOARDING! The roads were really snowy and we finally had to chain up for the first time this season. After a much longer trip than usual, we had arrived. Only to realized that the rain had never turned to snow. As we sat in the car, the rain came pouring down more and more. After a short snowball fight in the parking lot we realized that the rain wasnt going to turn in to snow any time soon, and we headed home. Such a bummer.

Outside my apartment building.

So gangsta.

Playin in the car hoping the rain will

turn into snow.

But...things looked up when it was time for our NYE festivities!!! We went to the store and dropped a buncha cash on tons of yummy food and booze! Then it was back to my cozy apartment for the HARRY POTTER MARATHON! Yay! It was really really fun. New years, to me, is always a let down. There is so much build up but its so often a disappointment. So we decided to stay in this year. I didnt get all dolled up. I didnt stress about what to wear. I didnt put on my makeup. I got in my sweats ate way too much food and fully relaxed! I was thrilled with the way it all turned out. I had so so so much fun just cuddling with my best friend at midnight.

Right after our New Years kiss.
First photo of the 2010.

I couldnt have had a better NYE. 

How was your night?

The way overdo Thanksgiving post...

Wow! This Thanksgiving weekend was INTENSE! To say the least.
oh, and i didnt take one effing picture all weekend! wtf?




It started on a wednesday. 
The boyfriend and I drove down to Eugene together. We got an early start so we wouldnt get stuck in the holiday traffic, but leaving early did not deter me from wanting to go to sleep the second we hit the freeway. So, we decided to play 20 questions. It actually did the trick. It made the trip fly by, not only did I stay awake, but I was alert and speaking, and, best of all, we found out I totally rock at the game! I kicked his butt!




When we got to Eugene however, we were entirely ready to let everyone know we had arrived yet. So we hid out in the 1.50 theatre! We saw the invention of lying and I cant believe how good it was. It was really well written, very smart. But we couldnt dodge the inevitable any longer so the boyfriend took me to my parents and then went off to dinner at his.




We met back up later that night and headed out to see all the friends! It was really fun! I saw tons of people I hadnt seen in a very long time, and got to spend a lot of time with my closest friends and my little brother. Although I drank much more than I had wanted to, I had a very good night and first few hours HOME.




The Turkey Day.
I woke up a little wobbly and couldnt get the door of the "guest room" open. I later found out it wasnt the residual alcohol, it was in fact the doors fault and my dad assured me he'd get right on it. I spend most the morning watching TV with my parents. They are very low key and I love that about them. Its just me, my parents and my brother, so holidays tend not to be a huge ordeal. But for the boyfriend...things are different. He has a huge family! They are all very involved! And with his parents being separated we were in for quite a hectic weekend!




The day actually started around noon, when I followed the boyfriend out to his dads house. About a 20 minute drive down windy roads in the pouring rain. Standard Oregon Thanksgiving.  A full house and a beautiful meal was what we had in store for us. It was so nice to hang out with a big family. I love it. There were in laws and friends everywhere. Im pretty sure I never put down my wine glass. The dinner was great, though I only had two things (Thanksgiving really lost its luster when I became a vegetarian). But it pained everyone else more than it did me. The boyfriends step-mother tried so hard to make more things for me to eat, but there was literally bacon in everything! I ate potatoes and yams! And it was soooo good.




Then I said my goodbyes and drove back into town for my families much smaller scale dinner. After my brother and I had a minor scuffle, it wouldnt be a holiday right?, I ate with my parents and then settled on the couch to watch a movie.




We were supposed to go out again but once the boyfriend made it back, we were done for. We spent the rest of the night on the couch and it was wonderful.




Fall Over Friday.
Next up: The boyfriends Mom's side! This includes: his mother, step-dad, brother#1 and his beautiful wife (also her father and his wife today), brother #2 and his beautiful wife, and step brothers 1 and 2. Plus us! Wine tasting was the order of the day and they didnt have to tell me twice. 11am and we are off to the first vineyard! It was such a great day. Full of wine and casual conversation. I feel so lucky that hanging with my boyfriends families is so easy. Its comfortable and welcoming and I know that its not always that great of a situation for people. We visited 4 different vineyards and had a dinner at the last one. So much fun.




Of course his family wouldnt just have one holiday this weekend. It was his younger brothers birthday! BACK TO DADS SIDE! Dinner immediately following our wine tasting. I ordered a beer at sushi so my hangover wouldnt hit mid roll. His little brother loved the shirt we got him and adore the rubber band gun we also chose.




After another massive meal, we said out good byes and headed home for a quick change of clothes and we were supposed to be off for some fun with friends. We never left my house. We laid down next to the fire, big mistake, and ended the night with a hot tub. I liked plan b.




See EVERYONE Saturday.
I started this day with a drive out to my ex boyfriends to pick up my doggie for the day! Yay! We have a bit of a joint custody thing going on, so naturally, I would get some face time with the pooch this holiday weekend! It was good to catch up with him and his girlfriend a bit. But it was sooooo much better to see my puppy! I have had this dog for 5 years now and he really is the best dog in the entire world! i love him so much its stupid!


Then the boyfriend, the dog and I went off to my bestfriend Andi's new house for some quality catch up time! Her dog and mine are like best dog buds since they were puppies so they were very excited to play together too! But best of all I got to play with my little man, Bryce. Andi's son and the closest thing to a nephew i have! He is the cutest kid on the planet! I just adore him! I loved that I was able to spend a good amount of time with them!


Next I dropped the boyfriend off cause he had some more brotherly birthday duties to attend to (paintballing). I was going to go, but I finally opted out and went for a chill day with my parents. I took a little nap on their living room floor with my doggie and it was simply glorious! I hated saying goodbye to my parents. I love them so much and I feel like I never see them anymore now that I dont live in the same town. But it was a great holiday with them.


We ended the night back at the boyfriends mother's house. We had a lovely meal and more wine. Another couple of hours of hanging with the brothers and sisters in law and moms, dads and grandmas, and we had officially wrapped up the holiday in Eugene.


We hit the road at about 930 after ordering 2 large coffees from a drivethru window. We got through I think 2 rounds of 20 questions and then I passed out. Typical.

I really had an amazing holiday! Did you?

love.

Whirlwind...

Yesterday was a whirlwind. Literately. There was a massive wind storm while I was at work. Trees bent and leaves flew. My first day back to work after a couple of sick days and a weekend had officially kicked my butt. And at the end of the day I had felt as though I was standing out in the middle of the storm rather than watching it through the rain soaked window panes.

But...

When I left work and walked up to my jeep I saw a something taped securely and severely to my window.

It was a mixed CD from the boyfriend with a lovely little note. (BTW his name isnt Don, it is an inside joke we have with CDs.) It was full of hip hop (my fave) and ended with the song from the post below! Perfect! Sometimes I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

You dont always have to lift yourself out of a bad day.

Sometimes, if youre lucky, some one will come along and do it for you.

Awesome Day 30: Halloween!

Halloween...


Is is one of those holidays? The ones that have all the hype and high expectations for an amazing night but only leave you feeling let down in the end. Im not sure. Last years Halloween was so far the only one that left me completely satisfied. But I think it might be. Like New Years Eve.

The night for me was a success, but, with a lot of buts. We were supposed to hang out with our typical group of friends but they all went to a concert that we werent particularly interested in. Prefunking was fun. Champagne and pizza, but, we lost two of our expected entourage. The first party was fun. It was the boyfriend's friend and he is super awesome and fun to hang out with. But, although the crowd was very nice, it just wasnt our steaze. I felt out of place (which doesnt happen often) and wanted to be with my friends. The second party was fun. An awesome venue with the party guaranteed to grow exponentially throughout the night, but, we both got sleepy and super tipsy. We ended up walking home early, im sure, even though I have no idea what time we left. We wanted to make popcorn and watch The Office, but I passed out before the popcorn was fully popped and the boyfriend passed out before he could eat any of it. I woke up in the morning to a full bowl of popcorn right by my head and my laptop still in the middle of us on the bed. I think we had too high of hopes the entire night. Especially the end of the night.


I really did have a great time the entire night but I think this is the first Halloween I would have rather stayed in to watch a scary movie and gift trick or treaters.

And the boyfriend got me a Halloween Rose!

Im so lucky.

How was your Halloween? What did you dress as?

Awesome Day 21: Beach Bliss

I dont think I am going to be able to express just how wonderful (and awesome) today was. It started off normal enough, wake up, get dressed/ready, drink coffee with the boyfriend, walk to car, kiss the boyfriend goodbye, drive to work. Pretty standard. However, I just had this feeling it was gonna be a good day, I even tweeted about it! So Ive been at work for about 45 and I get a call from my boss letting me know I would be off work at noon...Awesome!!! I was so happy. I called the boyfriend and told him and he, being so awesome and clever, suggested we take a drive to the beach! Awesome! So a few hours later we are in his car and on our way to the water!

The best part of the drive was when the boyfriend suddenly turned off the road and into the Dairy Queen parking lot. See, I have been complaining a bit lately. About this whole pumpkin thing. Every where I turn some one is drinking a pumpkin spiced this or eating a pumpkin spiced that. I have completely missed the pumpkin train and for days I have been moaning and groaning about it. Seriously, all I am hearing these days are wonderful pumpkin spiced stories. I have been jealous and I think the boyfriend may have just wanted to shut me up because he bough me the most delicious pumpkin blizzard! It was unreal, and now I understand exactly what all this pumpkin fuss is about. I have officially boarded the pumpkin train, and I am never getting off!

We made it to the beach, even though, I, of course, fell asleep for the very last bit of the drive (its a rarity when I stay awake for an entire car trip). It was so pretty there. We walked pretty far down the beach until we found the perfect spot of sand nestled between some tall and flowing grass. There is something so beautiful about the beach in the fall. All of the colors blend together creating a soft scene of serenity. We laid on a blanket and kept each other warm. We sat and people watched, saying entirely inappropriate things. I finally bought new batteries for my film SLR and it was so much fun shooting film again. I dont know what it is but something about the beach just screams black and white film to me. But the best part was our conversation. We  always have amazing conversations, he really is my best friend and talking is one of the things we do best. But something about today was just special. We got it all out there, we each talked and listened and it was wonderful. The entire time, we just talked. And it continued for the entire car ride home too. Im just lucky I guess. To have someone so amazing to talk with everyday. Its much harder to come by than some might think. And I am just one of the lucky few!

When we got home, it was time to hang! We finally joined our friends for the awesome thursday night ritual! Go to Taylor and JonMon's apartment to watch The Office, Always Sunny and DVRed episodes of Fantasy Factory and Nitro Circus (while drinking PBR). The Gang tonight included: Taylor, JonMon, Kait, Jessi, Griz, Steven, Adumb, the boyfriend and me! It was so fun and so awesome.

Kitten

(Jon)Montana

The BF

Kait & Jessi

TayBayBay

These...are my people.

well, some of them.

Oh, and for you fellow Summer Heights High Fans...

Puck You Miss!

6.6.09

It was late. She had enough to drink and so did you. You had both spent the evening at a bar with good and new friends. Standard practice. But now you were home. She thought it was darker since the cab ride and outside, it was damp. New Friend had passed out already and didnt even wake up when you yelled at her. Youve never yelled at her before. She was your best friend. You never fought. She yelled back but not about the same things. She didnt know what you meant, why you were yelling. And after she called you out in the dark, you both laughed. You suggested a walk to the river to watch the sun come up. Maybe to remove you both from the grounds of the scuffle, maybe to justify still being awake at the very late hour, maybe for other reasons, she didnt know why. But she accepted.


She wore flip flops and your baggy clothes. You wore a heavy jacket with no shirt underneath. While her feet soaked in dew, her hand settled in yours. She didnt know exactly why you held her hand, on the millions of walks you had taken before you always and simply walked side by side. She didnt know why she let you hold it tonight, but there it stayed until the grass met the water.


She noticed you help lower her to the ground as she drew in deep and cool breaths of the freshest air. Youre timing was perfect as the sky slowly lit up from the bottom. She was cold and could smell your scent through the moist air. You must have spotted her teeth chattering because you pulled her inside your coat as you laid the two of you slowly backward into the soft grass. You squeezed her into you. You held her so differently. It was so different from the times you held her and listened to her cry. So different from when you were the best friend easily wiping away worried tears. It was so different and she liked it. You both watched as the sky got brighter and brighter. You both laughed when a jogger passed by on the path above your heads in the light of the morning. You both fell asleep.


When she woke up, you were kissing. She didnt know how it started but she didnt end it. The kisses were long and passionate and everything she wanted. She climbed on top of you and you fought through her long tangled hair to make way to her lips for more. You whispered beautiful words in her ears and made her feel like more than shes ever felt. It was like a dream and she never wanted to wake up. 

It was light, officially day and the air was even colder. You suggested heading home. On the walk back you held her hand and she stopped questioning it. You stopped and kissed her every so often and she couldnt hide her childlike smile. You whispered more beauty into her ears and she drank in every delicious syllable. As you held her face in your hand and her lips with your own, she savored every second. She didnt worry about it, or think of anything else. She simply enjoyed herself and fell for her best friend even if only for the moment. 

This piece was inspired by my journal entry (some parts actually copied right out) about this night. The night it all changed. The night i fell for my best friend. And, no,  it wasnt only for the moment.

Awesome Day 19: "Let the Wild Rumpus Start!!!"

So I did it! I have been waiting a VERY long time for Where the Wild Things Are to come out and I was so excited to see it! So last night I did. The boyfriend and I cooked a really yummy dinner at my apartment and then we walked to the theatre. It was so nice, I hadnt realized just how close of a walk it was. The weather was great too. I didnt think it could have gotten any better, then the movie started.

I just loved it. I cant tell you enough about it, you will have to see it for yourself. But it was amazing. Being a visual person, I just couldnt let go of the beauty that was in, I swear, every single shot. Each frame was so carefully and beautifully planned out. The colors and the textures were unreal. I loved it. It was a visual feast! And the characters! So good! Little Max was amazing, such a great little actor. And the voices of the Wild Things we so perfect. Such stars too! The story was just lovely. I was a little worried about the direction they would take turning a short, very short, children's story into a full length movie, but I loved it. I wont give anything away, just trust me and go see it. And I will admit, I cried. I mean of course I cried, Im me. But I loved every second of it and I cannot wait to see it again!

Has anyone else experienced it yet? What did you think?

Not Very Awesome Days 7 and 8!

So I know I am supposed to make something awesome happen everyday, but the awesome haters of the world came together to ruin two of my precious awesome seeking days! Thursday (day 7) was pretty standard, and not super awesome, but I had planned on going out with a few friends. An awesome girls night out. However, they all bailed. I was bummed but then I was saved with the invite to go out with two of my favorite guys (the boyfriend and big kev). I was really stoked at the prospect of an awesome night being salvaged. However, the night wasnt terribly awesome. It was fun and all but, honestly, it was a bit of a snore. We only went to two places and both were super low key. We did have some good conversation but nothing really over the top awesome. When it was finally time to go back up to my apartment, I found out that I had not put my key in my bag. The one to let me into the building. I called every one that I know in the apartment but no one was home and my roommate was out of town. A big bummer. So we had to drive to the boyfriends house to sleep. It was so irritating. An awesome bust of a night!
Here are the few shots we got from one of the spots!

Me and my signature drink.

(Vodka Redbull with a splash of Pineapple Juice)

Us. Being awkward. As usual.

We dont even like each other. 

Big Kev. Killin it.

But whats even better and more awesome than my shitty night was my shitty morning. I barely drank anything and I woke up feeling like there was a rave going on inside my head. It pulsated to a perfect techno beat and I could barely stand with out feeling like falling over. The boyfriend, his roomie and I went around the corner for some breakfast. After the waiter gave me shit about being clearly hungover (still wearing sunglasses, hood on, head resting on table, ordering fruit and 7 up) and smelling the mixture of fellow diners food and the boyfriends bloody mary, I got up and went to the car hoping the brisk air would seise my urge to purge. It did for a while but lets just say, I spent the rest of the meal sleeping in the back of the car. The rest of the day got progressively worse, I ended up throwing up, couldnt get up without feeling like i was gonna fall right over, and the headache intensified. I didnt start feeling better until about 9pm when the boyfriend came over to watch a movie. An awful unawesome day!

The only upside what that I got to lay around my apartment with only the kitten and watch my favorite show on dvd, Gilmore Girls, for hours and hours on end!

My apologies for the lack of awesome on these days!

She Heard It...

She hears it.  She tries to open her eyes but they are cemented shut leaving her to view only the lovely slideshow that causes the corners of her mouth to slowly journey upward. Her chest grows tight and her throat closes up causing her to, slightly, gasp for her next breath of air. The hair on her neck lifts itself upward pulling bits of her skin with it creating tiny bumps, and she shutters. Her elbows lock but her fingertips soften and her hands relax. Her stomach feels like she was just dropped six stories, and now there is a faint burning. Her legs lay heavy, burdening the rest of her body. And she tenses at her feet, curling each toe with a flirting forcefulness. She's lost control. Because she heard it. She heard his voice, and she's in love.

The Beauty That Dance Brings...

This dance quickly became one of my favorites last season. It reminded me so much of the situation that the boyfriend and I were in. We were best friends that had never taken it any further than that. It is about their decision to make it more and the struggle that he has telling her and she has giving in. It mirrors my reality so much that I cried the first time I saw it. The boyfriend had laid it all out for me and I was worried about what it would do to our friendship. If only I had known how amazing it was going to turn out, maybe I would have given in a little quicker.

It was choreographed by my season 2 favorite Travis Wall. He is amazing! And they danced it perfectly This dance is absolutely beautiful!

The L Word

The L word. Love. I love you. Im in love with you. What is it about this word, or this word combine with a few select others that can change your entire world?

Its last Sunday, and the boyfriend comes over to my apartment. It's late and I have been shooting at a wedding all day. My feet are throbbing on a perfect beat and the last thing I want to do is move. However, being surrounded by couples, kissing, and, well, love all day made me want to see the boyfriend so badly that the excitement alone was making it possible for me to actually keep my eyes open. He rolls in with his usual cool and my chest grows tight from simultaneously fighting and calming the butterflies that begin beating and fluttering the second I heard the door open.

Rewind. You see, all day I had been enveloped in love, not to mention a bit of lust once the reception started and the booze began flowing. All I did was think of him the entire time. I missed him as if I hadnt seen him in weeks, when in reality, he kissed my goodbye that morning. There was a simple yet relentless pit digging in my stomach all day. It was both good and bad. I felt enormous highs and lows all while hiding behind my camera trying my hardest to play it cool. All I wanted was to be home, or, hell anywhere, with the boyfriend. I couldnt think of anything else.

What was it? Why was I so emotional? Whats this feeling burrowing deeper within? Then, I figured it out. Im in love. I have known it for a while now, but I hadnt actually said it yet. I mean, I couldnt say it first, I just couldnt. Whether it be my "old fashioned" tendencies, waiting for the right moment, or shit, a hint of insecurity (what if he didnt say it back???), I just hadnt been able to speak the words out loud. I did however, sprinkle them around every day nonverbally. Ive shouted it to him with my glances, morris coded it into his palms (3 quick squeezes when we'd hold hands) and whispered it into every one of our kisses.

But still, I hadnt SAID it. And that day, that, was all I wanted to do. It was killing me not to say it. I was completely surrounded by love and tears and everything that those "big days" bring. I even headed toward the life's too short argument with myself. What if something were to happen, knock on wood, to one of us before I had let him know how I felt? I was then in a bit of a panic! Why hadnt I told him the second I realized it? I have been wasting all this time! What a selfish little bitch! I should call him right now and tell him! Nevertheless, right then and there, I decided I would tell him tonight. That I love him.

Fast forward back to my apartment, laying on my bed simply and easily telling each other about our days. He tells me he's starving. I tell him I might kill him if he makes me move. See, all I have in my house is edamame so Im thinking I am either going to get dragged to a restaurant or fall asleep while he leaves to pick something up. Each scenario would undoubtably hurl me into a child like fit because of the combination of exhaustion and emotional upheaval today has thrown on me. I am getting cranky and realizing I might be too tired to speak the words I had waited all day to say.

Then the boyfriend tells me if I get up and make him some edamame, he will give me a massage. "Full body?" I, of course, sarcastically reply. He says sure. What!?!?! Thats an effing deal!!! I even double check to find out if the offer was real or if my Exhaustion had brought along his friends Hallucinations and Youre Dreamin! He says he is serious. And I am seriously lucky.  Man did I boil the best batch of edamame in exsistance! And I, in a completely uneven return, got my massage. Lucky, lucky girl.

Afterwards, he climbs up and positions himself next to me and lays his head on my chest looking toward me. He lifts his head until our eyes are at the same level and he asks me if he can tell me something. I dont verbally answer, but my look gives him the go ahead.

"I think Im falling in love with you." he says with nervous eyes.
"Oh, you think so?" I say quietly with sweet sarcasm, barely able to get it out at all, through a smile so big its almost painful.
"No, I am. In love with you."
With my hand on each of his cheeks I pull him in for a kiss. Its full and soft and saying everything.
Then, I let the words I have held in my cheeks for so long, spill from my lips, "Im in love with you too."

We sit and soak it in. We are cheezy and mushy, totally disgusting and its wonderful. He admits he has, in fact, loved me for a long time and just hasnt said it. I admit to saying it with my glances, squeezes and kisses. We kiss and touch and say the words over and over again. We are perfectly happy. We are in love. And my world will never be the same.

Are you in love? Or do you have a good "I Love You" story?