What are you up to this weekend?
I found out that the mechanic wants 300 dollars to fix a little hose that is extremely hard to get to.
My back is on fire from a "maintenance" chiropractic adjustment on monday and it was just fine before.
I am so tired for the 8th day in a row that it is hard to simply function.
I have a long todo list that just seems to grow and grow.
I am grateful that these are my only problems.
I am comforted knowing that things ALWAYS work out for me.
I am hopeful that one more good night of sleep will do the trick.
I know I am exactly where I need to be.
At the height of my stress and feeling overwhelmed about, seemingly, everything, I took a moment to stop. I became overwhelmed with a new feeling, a feeling of gratefulness. Honestly, things are not that bad. I have problems, yes. There are lots of things I have to just buck up and deal with. But in the big beautiful picture, things for me are great. I have everything I truly need and the support, resourcefulness and determination to survive if that ever changed. I am happy. And now I can add that I am proud. Proud of not getting so wrapped up in my problems to miss whats really going on. Im getting tossed the little obstacles and lessons I am meant to deal with today.
Count every beautiful thing...
(me, last week in NYC)
Yesterday I turned 27. Seriously, holy fuck. Where does the time go? First of all, how can 27 sound soooo much older than 26? Really, somebody tell me. Secondly, how could I have spent the whole last year accidentally saying and thinking the number 27 when asked my age, and yet, now that its true, I feel utterly shocked at its legitimacy. So far, 27 is confusing as hell and quite the mind fuck. Not a fan.
Enough about 27, let us go back and discuss 26 some more. Please excuse me while I pat myself on the back for surviving my 26th year. Honestly, on paper, this past year may not have seemed very "stand out" but it was quite the doozy. I think the reason may be that a lot of it was spent in my own head. As a chronic extrovert, I dont think I have ever spent as much time acting like an introvert as I had over the past year. I looooved my alone time this year! There were lots of overwhelming experiences, feelings and thoughts and that is usually the only time I tend to shut into myself. Looking back I was pretty overwhelmed.
But it wasnt all bad. Sometimes I just need to step away from people and things to fully be alone and settle down. Thats when my mind can calm enough to decipher and work through the big stuff. I always feel better after a good hibernation, I just think i needed a few more than average this year. This year was full of growing for me. Dealing with quiet challenges that sometimes only I knew was going on. I learned a lot about myself, and what I want and need out of life. I guess thats all anyone can ask for.
I also had a lot of adventures and fun. So much in fact that I had a hard time documenting it all here. (something I'd like to get back on track with) I guess actually looking back now, I feel really good about last year. I think it was a time of tiny quiet leaps from stone to stepping stone. I feel closer to getting the things I have wanted out of life for so long. I feel a few fiery fears slowly fizzling out. I feel confident and ready.
A few things I'd like to work on as I head into year 27...
Being better with my time. Efficiency has never been a strong suit for me.
Allowing more time and energy for creative endeavors.
Keeping my internal confidence up.
Better communication with my main people.
DOING the big things I want to do. Fucking MAKE MOVES!
Being on top of all that grown up shit.
Taking care of my health. (For my 100 year old self)
Working my momentum.
Enjoying the moment.
Well. There it is. A brief reflection.
Bring it on 27.
par·a·chute[par-uh-shoot] noun, verb, -chut·ed, -chut·ing.
a folding, umbrellalike, fabric device for allowing a person, to float down safely through the air from a great height.